submitted and written by Kelly K
CAUTION: This content is considered of the adult variety and can be triggering for those who have experienced addiction and/or are sensitive to the topic. Please read with caution.
August 22, 2012, I took a bus ride that I had taken many times in the past, the trek to rehab. I knew the 12 steps, I knew how to get sober. I never believed I was worth the effort to stay sober. My whole life had been gearing me up for the fight of my life.
I remember that bus ride: it had been one month since I shot heroin into my body and I was terrified that, when I got to my battleground, was I going to turn myself into treatment or to the dope man. I had a love affair with a needle. The night before that bus ride I was in the bathroom shooting up wine. I felt hopeless, worthless, useless, all the “less” words you can think of I was feeling. My steps were guided by a power greater than myself that day.
So much has changed since that day. Even on the hardest days, my life is beautiful and I am learning to know my worth and speak up when it is necessary. I think about that day often, especially on my anniversary. This year is the same, but my thoughts are different. I have wondered if I am worthy of this anniversary date. A little over a year ago I had to have back surgery. I made the decision to use cannabis rather than opiates for pain management. I have questioned my sobriety based on what I think others would say. Here’s the lesson for me, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks anymore. I smoke weed daily and I am sober, for seven years!
I should be dead. I should be the statistic, I know people believed that I was going to die. I know without a doubt in my heart if I would have taken one opiate for my back surgery, I would be dead or wishing that I was. If I go back to heroin or an opiate, my family will be preparing for my funeral. I’ve got too much to live for. And I’m fucking worth it! 7!
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, don't hesitate to share this story with them and get the help you/they need. We encourage you to search for your local addictions agencies and clinics. At our practice, we are able to help treat addictions, but it must be in conjunction with mental health disorders. Act now to start living your new life
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